Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
