This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
