I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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