College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
