My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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