Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
