I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
