dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
