He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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