Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
