in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
