There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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