Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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