Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
