So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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