You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
