God, you're like boner-b-gone
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize