Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
