Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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