I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
