but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize