Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
