i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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