Me too!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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