My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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