Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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