Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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