Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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