apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
