remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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