is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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