just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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