I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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