Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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