I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am available for nakedness
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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