that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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