I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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