3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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