Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
