Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
