He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
