you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
