Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So squirting runs in the family.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
