So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
