thus making me awesome and them whores
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
