I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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