I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
