his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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