There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
