i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
