He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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