I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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