Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
