Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i dont even know how to be here
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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