yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
