I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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