i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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