i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
