The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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