i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
