You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize