rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
