My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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