New invention idea: vibrating tampons
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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