hell yes lets make some ravioli
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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